Big day tomorrow

Tomorrow we get to see Isabelle and how much she has grown. I can tell you that she mus have grown somewhat judging from the feet I feel under my ribs and her downward facing dog poses in utero. Still, it’s good that Dr. Kolbas wants to check to make sure she is on track for her age. I’ve been pretty tired in the afternoons and have started to take naps regularly on the weekends. Not something I am happy about, since I have such grandiose ideas in the morning on how I want to spend my time and none involve napping. Ironically, this has been the best pregnancy I have had out of the three. I’m grateful that I have had 7 months of relatively minor discomfort, instead of the 9 months of uncomfortable insanity I had with Addie. Elizabeth wasn’t a piece of cake either since I swelled up towards the end and could barely move around. Best pregnancy, sickest child. Gd really has a warped sense of humor.

A woman I work with has been kind enough to share her experience with me with her son who went through a similar journey at Children’s. She told me that when she met the surgeon who was to perform the life-saving surgery her son would need, she studied his hands closely because it was those hands who held her son’s life. I understand that and am sure I will do the same thing when we meet Dr. Emani for the first time tomorrow. This man will hold the miracle of Isabelle’s life in his hands. I try to remember that he will be Gd’s instrument but ultimately it will be those hands who perform the work. Amazing work that will lay the foundation of her survival after birth.

I am also looking forward to seeing Isabelle via the ultrasound. It makes me feel better to see her move around, and am hoping to hear that she is doing well where she is. Isabelle is the first baby I have carried that I am not in a rush to give birth to. I hope she stays in there as long as she needs to. As the days get closer to the deadline, my anxiety grows and I know that we are one more step closer to when she will arrive. Her arrival holds a mixed blessing of joy and pain; we are so happy to add to our family but we are also terrified of what she will be going through. Such a strange way to go through a final pregnancy but it is what it is.

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