G is for….

Today is a big day for us. We have a GI appointment today at 4pm with the illustrious Dr. Lightdale. I can hardly wait to say “We haven’t tubed a feed in two weeks.” Two weeks. This morning Chris and I couldn’t remember the last time she had one of her morning vomit episodes. Could this mean the end of the tube as we know it?
The feeding tube has represented two sides of a coin for me. One side is failure- failure to thrive, failure to nurse, failure to be able to give her nourishment. On the flip side, there is success- success at getting her to the weight she needed to be for the Glenn, success in helping her grow and ironically, success at getting her to take the bottle after months of frustration.
Let’s just say I am looking forward to getting it removed. I have enough mixed emotions in my life right now.
I am still trying to make my way through the various emotions I have from losing a job I never planned on losing. There are moments when I wonder when the bitterness will go away, when I can reflect without feeling angry and betrayed. I am doing everything possible to focus on positive energies around me to help me stay out of the Pit of Self Pity. It’s nearly impossible to stay positive when you are trying to get your health insurance reactivated while the ones who behaved poorly have their jobs. Truly I thought I was wearing the white hat in this situation, but I digress.
Yoga has been a huge help in keeping me focused.
So far I have taken 6 yoga classes and have enjoyed the 60+ minutes of thinking about nothing other than the present. Poses tend to do that to me. They remove the distractions and allow me to focus on what my body needs to do in the NOW. It’s been a nice way to turn my brain off.
Of course, there are many things that do float through my mind when I am relaxing. I think of my girls, of what I need to do to get my portfolio and resume together, and how much I would love for my husband to join me in a class sometime. Then I come to my senses.
Running has helped too but I find myself back in the Pit after a mile or so.
Another way to keep out of the Pit is spending time with my girls. Isabelle is doing amazingly well with her physical therapy, and her feedings. Addie is showing signs that she is gifted, and will probably be reading soon. Liz is on her way to NYC to perform on the Intrepid with the Plymouth high School Band. Lots of great things that I am lucky to be home for.
This milestone that we have reached with Isabelle is a huge pick-me-up, and I am looking forward to hearing that the days of the G-tube are numbered.