Today marks the 9th day we have gone without using the feeding tube. She has her first real cold, so I wasn’t sure if we would be able to keep her off of it since her stuffed nose makes it hard for her to eat. She did eventually finish her morning bottle giving me hope that we can get rid of this thing! I had a great weekend with my girls and am looking forward to warmer weather so we can get out of the house.

Our next appointment is with the GI on thursday. Addie has her first dental appointment on Tuesday. Liz has an appointment on Wednesday. Let’s hope COBRA is all set so we don’t get any more phone calls telling us our insurance is inactive. When we first got MassHealth for Isabelle I felt guilty. Now I am so grateful we have it otherwise her appointments wouldn’t have been covered. Losing a job is hard enough without having to deal with the hassle of insurance but here I am, dealing with the hassles.

I am grateful I can be here for the girls and am being granted the time to gather myself together in preparation for the next step. Losing the benefits and trying to stay afloat while waiting for things to kick in is a PAIN in the ASS. In spite of this latest hurdle I am enjoying my alone time with Isabelle immensely. Another loving mother lost her son yesterday to congenital heart disease. It is a stark reminder to me about what my priorities should be. Yes, being jobless is a struggle but thank goodness I have my girls with me. Even though the insurance issue is a real headache, I can still hold my baby and watch her breathe while she is sleeping on my chest. 

Yesterday I spent the day with my oldest daughter at the NESBA Indoor Percussion competition. Liz and her team blew me away with their incredible performance. The judges didn’t seem to agree with me, giving them a score of last place. Stupid judges. I was thrilled to have been able to spend that time with Liz. Most of my time lately has been focused on the other two. Just another good thing to add to my gratitude list: spending time with my oldest and sharing something she loves. 

For all my complaints, bitching and moaning- I need to remember a few things. Isabelle is still with us. She is doing very well. Liz shared her love of winter percussion with me and only pretended she didn’t know me a few times. And Addie…is Addie. If that is all I can be grateful for at the moment, that is enough for me.


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