Heartbroken

I have been unemployed for seven days. It feels like an eternity. Yes, it is a great opportunity for me to spend at home with my girls. Yes, I am very happy that I can enjoy some time getting myself together for the next step in my career. No, I have no idea what that is. People mean well when they ask me these questions and I know they are genuinely concerned. It helps lessen the sting a bit when I hear people ask me how I am doing and encourage me to keep my head up.

Because this stings. A lot.

I am heartbroken over losing a job that meant so much to me. I am trying to focus on my beautiful girls and my husband who are trying to keep my spirits up. I know I need to keep looking at the fact that Isabelle is doing so well and our situation could be so much worse. But it still hurts that I back in this position of being at the mercy of headhunters and potential interviewers. The fact that our insurance has been deactivated makes things even more stressful and I feel responsible for these burdens. Trying to correct the situation is a full time job in itself, calling HR, trying to follow up with the benefits company…it adds to the pile.

Yesterday we had a great appointment at Children’s and have a new tentative date for her final (we hope) surgery. Fall of 2014 looks to be the final date. Hopefully I will be employed by then. Her heart function is great so there is no need to schedule an early Fontan. We also may be able to get rid of the feeding tube since we are on DAY 5 of NO TUBE FEEDINGS. We will get confirmation on that April 18 when we see Dr. Lightdale. I can’t wait to shock her with the news. We were told Isabelle may need the tube until she is two and now here she is drinking full 4 oz bottles and enjoying her apples.

There is much to be positive about. I know this. It doesn’t make me feel less hurt or devastated, unfortunately. I guess I will have to continue to move ahead, run a few miles, try some yoga classes and work on my portfolio. It could be so much worse, and I am grateful it wasn’t. Being let go doesn’t erase all of the accomplishments I have made over the past two years. It doesn’t erase my talent. It doesn’t erase the relationships I have made or the good memories I have. It just sets me back a few feet further than I want to be.